The grocery bags plopped down and he collapsed backward onto his couch, breathing heavily. He shook his head and rested. Wow, he was out of shape. His friends were right; he did have to lose weight after all. “Dammit,” he said, recovering. He’d always been a bit chubby, but since getting full-time at the warehouse, he’d gotten so much fatter. The long hours kept murdering his feet and knees, but after being in poverty for practically all his youth, the money more than made up for it, and his waistline expanded accordingly. Pulling the mail from his hoodie pocket, he glanced at each one. The credit card offers he pitched into his burn pile, and his paycheck he opened and checked carefully. They’d finally gotten his name—Manfred Voren—completely correct.
Taking a deep breath, he huffed, and hoisted the six plastic bags into his kitchen and began unloading. Some of the items he chose carefully, as per a recipe he wanted to try. He read the list and arranged each ingredient. Since the recipe estimated a thirty-minute time of completion, he opened his medicine drawer and popped his medication. For the next half hour, he toiled away at the chicken and pasta dish until it very nearly resembled the picture. Scooping it onto his plate, he chowed down while reading comics on his laptop. The latest issue of Breaker featured the main heroine, a tall, muscular power house of a woman, ripping into the powered armor of a bad guy. He knew the lore quite well.
First Breaker was a favorite of his. He’d been reading it since the mid-nineties, having picked it up at age twelve. What attracted him to it, as he had typed into a conversation defending it against arguments of it being outdated, was how unique it was as a comic. “First Breaker,” he had written, plumbing the depths of his childhood memories for the right words, “isn’t just a ‘hey, ‘let’s beat up bad guys and smile for the camera’ superhero story. The main character is Cyroya, a goddess from the fictional ‘Bakeru’ religion. She’s not actually a savior, or a good guy; she’s the main enemy, the Satan of her people’s beliefs. As the Goddess of Strength, she basically shows up in ancient Rome and nearly ends the world, cutting apart entire armies all by herself. Kareth, the God of Mercy and Creation, defeats her, at great cost and casts her into Pareion, basically their religion’s hell.”
He remembered that exchange and how heated he became, even though he realized he was only staring at a computer screen. He’d also introduced several of his friends to it. “Cyroya is cast into the bad place for her many murders, and here’s where it really gets good,” he’d defended. “Where most comics from the late eighties to early nineties—the so-called Dark Age—were just blood and gore for no end, we see her get tortured in Pareion and repent her crimes. That’s when Kareth sends her to the modern world and she must use her powers for good to save humanity, or else spend the rest of eternity in Pareion.”
“So,” his friend Shawn asked, “if this Kareth guy is so powerful, why doesn’t he intervene?”
Manfred took that as his cue. “Because eventually, they encounter threats even beyond the Gods. There’s literally a moment where a guy tells her she can help him take over the universe, and she has a perfectly good chance to kill Kareth and be free of his threat forever. Instead, she helps him defeat the bad guy. It’s great because she’s clearly a recovering villain. You see her have to struggle with the fact that, no, these humans aren’t insects merely there to satisfy your violent urges. You see her literally become a better person.”
He remembered the friend basically answering with, “that’s great, Manny,” and leaving it at that. It was his favorite comic. Shoveling pasta and chicken into his mouth, he pressed the space bar to move forward. Doctor Richard Felaru, the bad guy in the power armor, Manny read, clearly had thought his machine could duplicate the Godess’s power. He’d had her against the ropes, but with the strength of will, she ripped his armor apart. Manny felt like a little kid again. This storyline had been going for the better part of a year, and he was glad to see it end.
“Wow,” he mouthed, reading the last page. The story had ended exactly as he wanted. After finishing his sizeable meal, he washed his plate and silverware, setting it in the drying rack and picking up his laptop. Sitting for too long made his legs hurt, so he walked around carrying it. He shopped for comics online before reading some other issues he had on his computer. Furious Thunder Comic issue 682 appeared full-screen, him clicking on it. He enjoyed it, even though the writing hadn’t always been great. Unlike First Breaker, Furious Thunder was a very traditional super hero story, although not the same as many others. Unlike most of the traditional stories that started in the early Silver Age of Comics, Furious Thunder had started with a female lead. A female lead character, in 1952, was unheard of. Somehow it had managed to avoid being absorbed by the bigger studios, but had suffered in the sixties thus.
The new timeline, he saw, wasn’t quite as good as the one before, but he still kept reading. One of the things that annoyed him was that when the character was first drawn, she was a decently curved woman for sixties standards. Now, she was almost anorexic. It wasn’t unique; many of the big studios had the female supers being model thin, but she was supposed to be a major hero. At least she wasn’t drawn with comically exaggerated breasts—even being a guy, it became annoying and distracting after awhile. Once more, he noticed her pulling her cousin’s pod out of the river. Before it had been a mountain landslide, and the original reboot had it be a river. He knew the story by heart: Michelle Delanter, having been examining archaeological ruins in South America, touched an artifact and was magically transported to another world, where she was forced to fight for her survival for a hundred years, somehow not aging. When she finally succeeded, it was revealed the whole ordeal was an illusory test to see if she was worthy of the power contained within the artifact. She then became Capacitor, a hero that utilized otherworldly energy to possess great strength, speed, and energy abilities.
He read on, seeing that the origin deviated just slightly, with her finding the artifact and the whole training ordeal montaged in a series of six panels. She apparently explained to her cousin that he had been put in stasis because of his disease, and the pod had cured him, right before the earthquake diverted the river through the area where the building was. She grabbed his hand, and shared some of her power with him. “We’ll talk later,” she told him. “Right now, help me save the people downstream.” The next few pages were of the two of them using their powers to save people from the flooding and earthquake. It was nice to see they’d updated her age. In the original 50’s and 60’s comics, she’d been a teenager and her cousin the same age. Now, she was five years older than him.
His cellphone rang and he set down the laptop. The caller ID read a familiar name. “Yeah, Joey? What’s up?” he asked.
“You still hanging out on Saturday?” Joey said.
“Wouldn’t miss it,” Manny explained. “Shit, as much as I work these days, it’s the only time I can.”
Joey let out a breath of a laugh. “Ain’t that the damn truth.” He coughed. “Well, if you’re busy right now, I’ll let you go.”
“Eh, I think I’m just staying home,” he replied. “Nothing much to do ‘round here anyway.” He smiled. “See you then.” Both knew too well what he spoke of. Southern Illinois was well-known for a few major things: abandoned buildings where industry once was, being twenty miles from the nearest civilized anything. If he was going to a movie, it would be fifteen miles to Edwardsville, or eight miles to East Alton. There was one book store the Illinois side of the Mississippi river.
He watched some shows on the internet. After that, closed his laptop. Normally, later in the week, he found himself not wanting to be bothered. Now, though, the thought of being around friends made him feel lonely. Still, the nearest mall worth going to would be almost thirty miles away in the Chesterfield, Missouri area. Popping his knuckles, he made up his mind. He didn’t want to be home alone. At least the mall, far away as it was, presented the possibility of running into friends.
His gas gauge reading full, he started it up and headed towards the Missouri line. Miles of forested areas passed by as he left his house, which was just short of Jerseyville, and passed through Alton. The riverside showed block after block of abandoned buildings where jobs used to be, some fifty years prior. The riverboat casinos with their flashing lights stood in stark contrast to the rows upon rows of taverns and bars that segmented sections of former places of business. The economy had been rough and he was lucky to have gotten a job that paid well.
After crossing the Clark Bridge, the economy seemed to get much better, with the businesses of the Florissant area passing by. After more than twenty minutes of driving, he made it to Chesterfield and one of the few remaining malls performing well in the downtrodden economy. The mall looked uncrowded as Thursday evenings weren’t major business. The first store he hit was the bookstore, checking out their manga collection. There seemed to be only twelve people walking around the store, and none of them he knew. He read a few volumes before he left the store.
Walking around the mall, looking around, he felt a bit dumb. There weren’t that many things he wanted to buy, and none of his friends seemed to have thought to come out here. He popped into a dollar store and bought a generic cola. The man behind the counter looked at his shirt and smiled. “Hey, nice shirt,” he said. “Haven’t read a comic since I was a kid, but those movies are great.”
The man looked to be nearly fifty. Manny regarded the man’s gray hair and lined face. “What’d you read growing up?”
“Well, I read a bit of everything,” the man admitted. “I can’t say I remember much of it. Nice to see Hollywood finally giving a thought to it, though.”
Manny let out a humph. “You can say that again,” he responded. “I think when I was a kid, there was the 1989 movie and other than that, a bunch of crap. Now it seems like everyone likes ‘em.” He shrugged. “It’s annoying. Where were these movies when I was in high school about two-thousand-one?”
They shared a laugh and he left the dollar store. It raised his spirit to feel reassured he wasn’t alone. Entering the video and game store, he looked through the Blu-ray section. He came across a copy of the nineteen eighty-one Capacitor movie. They’d made a crappy sequel in two-thousand-five, and hinted at a Furious Thunder reboot, but he always enjoyed the original. He hadn’t seen it in years or had this updated disc, so he bought it to give himself a reason to have come.
He started the car and set his bag in the passenger seat. Flipping the radio on, a news story talking about lights in the sky over various parts of the world, and what the experts had to say about such things. Even though it might have been interesting, he set his radio to Bluetooth and played music from his smartphone. Pressing the emergency brake off, he shifted into drive and left the parking lot. The highway back to southern Illinois signaled his experiment had failed and he had to return home. Miles of highway passed once again. Nothing much out of the ordinary appeared until he got about halfway home.
Pulling the car over to the shoulder, he stared at the sky, both awed and weirded out. Streaks of color, vaguely reminiscent of aurora borealis made streaks across the evening blue. However, these were off-colored. Various pinks, oranges, and silvers streaked in with the green and red. It undulated in the sky like some cosmic worm wriggling. Eager, he checked his mirrors and got out. He clicked his phone’s camera app and pointed it at the sky. The image quality wasn’t fantastic, but he wanted to keep a record of this. Some ten minutes later, it faded, and he got back in his car. Since others were stopping and staring, he took his opportunity and left.
Returning home, he uploaded the photo to his laptop and watched videos on the internet. He opened his bought movies and made sure they worked. After ten minutes, he checked the clock. Work the next morning would be a pain in the ass, so he decided to check in for the night. He set his phone’s alarm clock and changed into his pajamas. The usual evening routine came next: brush teeth, change into pajamas, swallow some pain medication since his feet hurt. Once the ibuprofen kicked in, his mind slipped away into dreams.
The alarm interrupted his dream of driving through a vague pseudo-city consisting of several places he had been to, while fleeing some nondescript sense of dread. Waking up was an exercise in lifting himself to a sitting position and waiting for his sense of balance to kick in. Shaking his head to clear it, he stood up and stumbled a few steps before righting himself and walking to the bathroom. The routine became second nature: brush teeth, do business, shower. He had a half hour or so before he had to be there, so he made himself a few sandwiches for breakfast along with some coffee. He took a hit of his inhaler and dressed himself before heading out the door.
The drive to the warehouse reminded him how much he hated it. His work was a decent paying job; it didn’t, however, mean he enjoyed it. The man at the door scanned his ID badge and he walked over to the counter to be assigned. The woman, a middle-aged smoking victim, regarded him with the same deadpan expression everyone got. The number he got was thirty-three with a ‘C,’ and that meant he would be on shampoo duty. If there existed a better demonstration of how to reduce a man to a robot than the next five hours, he would have loved to see it. His task consisted of taking finished shampoo two-packs, placing them in a cardboard box in their slot, sealing the box in plastic when full, and placing it on a palate for a forklift to retrieve when the palate filled. Other than a single fifteen-minute break, he did nothing else. When the lunch break came, he got in his car and drove to the truck stop across the road and bought a sandwich from the refrigerator along with a generic diet soda. After that, he went back to work and another five hours passed by.
His knees and back ached, and his hands hurt, so when finished he popped two naproxen sodium and finished the last of his green diet soda. It was painful, but at least he was lucky. Some of the other warehouse companies that hired paid only minimum wage. Then again, he rationalized, most of them were staffed by stoners and ex-convicts. On the way home, he stopped by the video rental kiosk and chose some arthouse film one of his friends had recommended. It wasn’t normally the kind of film he watched, but it would be a welcome waste of time. The sun was still up and yet, he wanted nothing more than to plop into his chair and leave the day behind. It bothered him some of his friends worked as much as possible. Other than keeping the house clean—which was the responsibility of everyone with a home—these people exercised for three, sometimes four hours a day, and this is after an eight to ten-hour work shift, and then chores. Maybe by the time they were done, they’d have two, maybe two and a half hours to just relax and do nothing before going to bed at eight-thirty, nine at the absolute latest. His shift started at five-thirty, and he finished at three-thirty. He worked forty hours a week, his default four-day schedule. His arms and back often ached, but damn it, every weekend was three days, he made enough money to pay the bills on a house his parents left him, and that mattered most. Furthermore, if he skipped a few meals here and there, he could save enough money to buy something big. Five years ago, he’d skipped enough meals to buy a two-thousand, five-hundred-dollar gaming laptop. It kicked as much ass as he could hope for. Maybe next year, he would start saving for a new one.
The movie was ok, not exceptional, but he was glad anyway, because it being Thursday, he wouldn’t have to be back at the warehouse until Monday. He pulled out his PC controller and plugged it into his laptop. He decided to play Inindo: Way of the Ninja, a role-playing game from nineteen ninety-three. A relatively obscure game, he’d rented it once as a kid from Blockbuster Video and enjoyed it so much he played it completely at least once a year. It wasn’t particularly breathtaking, but it was a fun way to pass the time. Noticing the clock on the wall was nine P.M., he saved, put his laptop into hibernation, and stretched his limbs. The night was calling and he didn’t want to stay up too late. Just not having to awake at four the next morning felt great. When he turned in the direction of his bookshelf, he saw the book occupying the top slot—volume one of the 2004 run of Capacitor in Furious Thunder Comics. Opening the graphic novel, he remembered the familiar opening. The heroine, Michelle Delanter, with her trademark red hair, reminiscent of the setting sun, flapping in the wind, stood poised to save lives. Her figure, not quite as anorexic as the new run, had the super-skinny frame of a waif model, which, absolutely did not mesh with her powerful expression. He’d been entering college during the original run of these issues, and they were always a fun time. Hard to believe, it had been more than ten long years since then.
Replacing the book, he felt a mild static shock. It annoyed him, and he started towards the bathroom when he felt a mild burning sensation wash over him. He pulled his shirt off, having stripped down to his underwear. Furiously he slapped his hands on his torso, trying to locate if something was injured or in some way damaged. A few seconds passed with the feeling increasing before fading entirely. His head felt slightly dizzy and then became normal again. “What…” he uttered. Before he had a chance to finish the thought, he felt a yanking, a pulling. It came from his abdomen. In a scene of utter impossibility, he looked down to the source of the feeling, and saw—as he continued to feel—his large bulbous fat gut drawing in. His entire torso shrank before his very eyes. “No, oonooo!” Trapped in a panicked thought, that he was shriveling up into a corpse somehow, he grabbed and pinched at skin, pulling and yanking, trying desperately to fight it. After a few moments, there wasn’t enough fat left to grab handfuls of. He gasped and panted, wide-eyed at how small his torso had become. Now the pulling came over his limbs. From his waist to feet, and shoulder to fingertip, his flesh tightened and retreated. Coarse hair disappeared, scant, fair body hair appeared in its place. His mallet-like hand with stubby sausage fingers turned into a dainty palm with slender pianist digits extending from them. Legs became thin, smooth, with only faint hair that wasn’t too noticeable. Giant fat feet shrank several shoe sizes. Finally, a twinge travelled up his chest and to the top of his head. His saggy man-breasts became recognizable ‘B-cup’ women’s breasts. Hair grazed his shoulders. “Yeep!” he shouted, tugging at the intrusion, only to see the reddish hair attached to his own head. The voice registered clearly in an adult woman’s range. He stumbled to the bathroom mirror and stared.
Twenty-year-old, redheaded, superhero, fictional character, Michelle Delanter, or, an incredible facsimile, stared back at him. He shook his head, slamming his eyes shut. No. This is impossible. He had spent years of his life thinking skeptically. It was the reason he’d left religion behind. No, what happened was, he’d gone insane. This was a hell of a hallucination; he hadn’t even had a history of mental illness. Sure, when he was ten, he had a phase where he wanted everyone to call him Batman, but even then, he knew he wasn’t turned into an imaginary character. He ran his hands over his face. The red-headed woman—who, now that he thought about it, had no reason to be a fictional character—rubbed her face the same way. He felt up and down the body, and sure enough, the hands in the mirror moved as well. He took a deep breath and let it go; this was an amazing degree of insanity. He’d really flipped. Not only had he somehow developed a separate personality, but the hallucination was so good, he couldn’t think his way out of it.
A thought occurred to him. Had he been this red-haired woman all along? He fumbled through his wallet. His driver’s license was the same as it was that morning. Manfred Voren, Illinois Driver’s License, five foot nine, two hundred eighty pounds. He took a selfie, making sure to only photograph from the neck up, and sent it to a friend of his. “What do you see here?” he included with the text.
Ten seconds later, his friend Jake responded. “Cute girl,” he said. “Nice hair. She your new girlfriend?”
“She’s a friend,” he replied. He set the phone aside. He sat down on the toilet lid. Either he hallucinated the text, he figured, or else Jake had really seen the girl. That wasn’t evidence enough, he knew, but it was a good start. He honestly expected, had he simply gone crazy, for Jake to say something about why Manny would send a photo of himself. Still, he couldn’t trust his own mind. This wasn’t possible. He had a mountain of evidence to suggest he had spent thirty-one years as Manfred Voren. Thinking about it, he’d never so much as seen a single redhead, anywhere in his life that looked like her.
He sent the photo to his perverted friend John. “Would you do her?”
“Sure, I would,” he replied moments later. “Who’s she?”
“Someone I had a pleasant conversation with earlier,” Manny texted. “Has anyone like her ever been around us before?”
“No, dude, I wish,” John replied. “Don’t miss the opportunity on this one.”
He set the phone down. Now he had more evidence. Still not enough to positively rule out his insanity, but two separate friends acknowledged that the photo he remembered taking a minute before was both not him, and not someone they’d seen before. Either he was insane enough to have hallucinated: transforming, taking a photo of the result, as well as his friends reactions, or something absolutely not possible was actually happening. He still didn’t want to accept what had never happened before in human history. He slapped himself to see if he was dreaming; he wasn’t.
He stood in front of the mirror. In his mind, he could see an image of himself as this woman. He focused hard on the image. He imagined it turning back into him. Nothing happened. After a few minutes, he closed his eyes and saw the image even clearer. He did it again, and still nothing. He imagined both images side by side—himself, as he was before, and her. Nothing happened, except this time, he felt a presence in the back of his head. Not like a person or spirit, but as if a switch or lever had magically appeared in his brain. Obviously, it didn’t have a literal appearance of such a device, or any appearance at all, but he noticed it only when he summoned both images side by side. With thoughts, he manipulated it, imagined it changing. Once more, nothing happened. Almost a half hour passed with nothing changing.
Opening his eyes, he stared once more at the red-haired woman he’d become. If this didn’t change, if he couldn’t change back, he’d have a lot of hell to deal with. Sooner or later, he figured he’d wake up in a nuthouse or a courthouse, having done something like beating a guy to death because he hallucinated the devil in him or some crap like that. Or, if the absurd turned out to be true, he would have no identifying papers as this woman, and no history whatsoever. He’d have no solutions. If he somehow overcame these problems, he’d be spending the rest of his life as this woman. Could he really commit to that? Could he really pull the trigger?
Oh my god, he thought.
It was a trigger!
He coughed to calm himself. Okay, he rationalized. Let’s assume what, again, I know to be impossible, is really happening. Let’s say I’m somehow turning into a woman and back again, his mind fired. Wouldn’t it be damn inconvenient should, say, a random thought morph you in the middle of a crowded room? He was the kind of guy to imagine spiders crawling on the walls at random. He’d hate to have the kind of power to do that. So, he guessed, should there be a fail-safe, to guarantee that no random imagining of himself would cause the change to occur? He focused on the twinge in his head, the feeling the…whatever the hell it was. He imagined her morphing straight back into him. This time, he didn’t imagine himself manipulating the…well, hell, he just decided to call it the Trigger. He committed. He decided, firmly and completely, yes, he wanted to be fat, almost thirty, underpaid and overworked, Illinois native Manfred Voren. He felt the Trigger change to a different state.
Like a bad CGI film, his body morphed back into Manfred Voren. The entire process took eleven seconds. His fingers were fat again, his gut stuck out again, and his penis and testicles had returned, along with his ungainly body hair. He could have cheered when he became normal again. He had never been so glad to be overweight.
And then, his curiosity got the better of him. Oh hell, he realized. He couldn’t let it go. He stepped on the scale, and it read two seventy-nine. Hey, he realized, he’d lost two pounds from the month before. In his mind, he imagined the woman again. He pulled the Trigger by committing to the transformation. Hey, as far as insane ideas went, it was convenient, the equivalent of an “are you sure” before deleting the file from the hard drive. It snapped into its previous state, and the change happened again. This time, the burning was replaced by a tingling, almost like the cold mixed with electric prickling around fur rugs. He stared in bewilderment as the scale plummeted to one hundred and thirty-seven pounds. Wow, not just impossible, he thought, but ultra super-duper impossible, violating the Law of Conservation of Mass impossible. He reversed the transformation and the scale climbed again.
He decided to go to bed. This insanity could wait until the morning. With thoughts raging on his mind, it took quite a while, but he managed to slip off to dream.
The sun’s light peering in through the window and shining in his face woke him up. He rubbed his belly and face. He was still Manny and still fat. How much of what happened the night before had been real? He yawned and stretched. Stumbling to the bathroom, he splashed water on his face. Mental images of himself turning into the woman from the night before returned, and with it, a familiar presence. He pulled the Trigger once again. Eleven seconds later, the red-haired woman stared back at him in the mirror, blinking when he blinked. The possibility that this was a hallucination hadn’t diminished much. Much of what he saw continued to be impossible per all the scientific evidence he knew. He had two pieces of evidence he couldn’t necessarily trust because he could have hallucinated them as well. A decision entered his mind. Since what was going on didn’t appear to be harmful or destructive yet, one of the easiest ways to prove it real would be to do things that it would be utterly impossible for a hallucination to deliver. To get there, he had to know if he had been turned into Capacitor, or just a red-haired woman.
Based on his current supermodel-thin build, it would be utterly impossible for an ordinary woman with red hair to lift a refrigerator. He knelt in front of it, and wrapped his arms around the large metal rectangular prism. He bent his womanly legs and expected his back to scream at him. Instead, he felt weight resistance on par with lifting a beach ball. At fully standing height, he yelped and immediately had to avoid three problems at once: hitting it on the ceiling, dropping it, or banging it into the wall. It felt like carrying a bag of groceries. So, not just an ordinary red-haired woman, he thought, but actually The Capacitor. Gingerly, he set down the fridge. Got it.
He walked around the house a bit, curious as to how many of her powers he had in this form. If this were really happening, he took mental note, he’d already demonstrated strength. She had several more. He stared all around, trying to activate her see-through vision. What the writers had made sure to do, he remembered from the comics, was not to give her x-ray vision. Her vision was a form of psychic remote viewing, since they didn’t want to imply her eyes gave off harmful ionizing radiation. After long minutes of trying, he found wanting to see further caused layers to become transparent, allowing him to see behind and beyond them. With effort, he gained another small, possibly unreliable, piece of evidence that this wasn’t a hallucination. One layer at a time, he saw past the wall of his house, past the walls of the neighbor across the street’s house, and into the books on a shelf perpendicular to his vision in one of their rooms. One book, he had never once read, The Old Man and The Sea by Hemingway, he saw the cover, then the first page. The next page was backwards, obviously, when the first page became invisible as he saw past it. Exercising his will, his vision returned to himself, having remembered the text of the page as best he could.
He downloaded a digital version of the book and read the first page. The text matched what he saw. Alright, I couldn’t have made that up, he realized. Unless somehow, he had read the book somehow and forgot that he read it while still remembering the text, which struck him as unlikely. He still couldn’t rule it out, but now, more evidence mounted. The best evidence, he figured, would be to act as though it were real and see how far it went. Certainly, real life broke down all barriers and the truth eventually came out. If he ventured out into the world, and this was a hallucination, it would come crashing down, wouldn’t it? Sure, it could be disastrous, but if he had the insanity to hallucinate to this degree, what could he trust? It also meant, the farthest and most unlikely scenario could be true. Something impossible could truly be happening, and the implications, he scarcely wanted to contemplate, for the whole universe was involved.
Turning back into himself, he decided to push it. He transformed parts of his body into hers. Individual feet at first, then hands. He could even transfer much of his body fat to her form. This seemed practical, as it meant his clothes would fit her, but at the same time, it bothered him. He thought about it. Ultimately, he shook it off in favor of more pressing matters. Her being fat allowed him to put his clothes on and head outside to do some work. Grabbing the car keys, he headed for the park near Wood River, Illinois. There, he could find a quiet corner of the large open park and practice.
The wooded areas had quite a few places off the beaten path where people hardly went. In a cluster of trees, he stood, focusing on what he knew. Alright, he thought, one of the most basic abilities she had was flight. She could, in the comics, fly incredibly fast. He focused on his presence and imagined himself moving. At first, just as he expected, nothing happened. Practice made perfect. It was just like riding a bike.
After twenty boring minutes of trying different mental techniques, he focused on deciding to levitate upwards. Leaves blew away from him in a circle, as if he had a propeller blowing. His feet left the ground by an inch. I’m getting it! He thought. Then he fell backwards onto his butt. He stood, brushed himself off. Fly, already, he mentally commanded. Upwards! Fly!
As though fired from a cannon he shot up. Uncontrolled at first, he slammed into a tree face first, having surprisingly tested his durability and upon issuing a mental yell of “stop!” he came crashing down with a thump. The thought occurred to him that direction and speed may not be the same mental process. He indicated the direction of up, and decided. Simultaneously, he indicated a speed of slightly above gravity and committed. Like a balloon, he levitated to the height of the tree. At the top, he changed his speed to exactly the speed of gravity. He came to a dead stop and floated alongside the treetop. Left, he focused and thought. Slow. He hovered in the direction of the next tree. What surprised him was that he continued facing the original direction as he moved sideways. He had to turn his body midair to face the direction he moved; it wasn’t automatic. Touching the tree, he stopped and lowered himself. Finesse and fine control would have to wait. He had other powers to practice. What surprised him was that flight worked much like the “trigger” that activated his power: he had to mentally force it so a random thought couldn’t interrupt it.
Sensory powers were her next major task. Sure, he knew, he’d tested her sight, but now, he had hearing to test. This was easy to activate. Unfortunately, it was hard to focus. A thunderstorm erupted in his head. He heard everything from nearby cars starting all the way down to the footfall of a squirrel. Drowning out everything except people’s conversations proved hard. It wasn’t like the comics at all. Sure, with effort, he could hear what they were saying separately by paying attention to it, but just like regular hearing, everything else mixed in.
Ironically, the easiest powers to learn were what he expected to be the hardest. Energy projection, which in the comics, manifested as her being able to emit laser-like beams from her hands and directly in front of her eyes, wasn’t hard at all. He thought of the type of energy to be fired. In this case, a powerful beam of laser light. He pointed at a log. Making the decision, the tip of his finger glowed red and a dot appeared on the log, slowly burning. He decided to increase power. The light turned from red to blue, and it ate through the log in seconds. Once stopped focusing, it vanished. The other, super speed, almost felt like turning a knob. He found the world frozen around him as he focused on it. The only disorienting part was movement. He found he could see and process all the information around him, even though he felt the tremendous speed at which he ran. The logical problem was that his clothes didn’t rip off. The only answer he could come up with was that the invulnerability extended somewhat during running.
He shifted back into his normal male form. Within twenty minutes of testing individual body parts, he found he needed to transform his brain into hers to have any abilities at all. Furthermore, he found he needed at least half his internal organs to be changed to have strength or flight, but sensory powers only required his eyes and ears to change. After a few minutes of testing his sensory powers in his normal form, he realized, it bothered him somehow. It didn’t feel right to him to use powers in his male form. He pondered it a few moments, but shook his head. He had other work to do. Namely, the thing he wanted to do was, in fiction, usually the first thing the hero learned not to do. He’d read enough comics and manga to learn that one of the very first lessons a protagonist learned was not to use their powers for self-interest. It was wrong. To an extent, he knew why it was wrong. But as someone who worked ten-hour days, for less than fifteen dollars an hour, he didn’t care.

Tulsa's event list.

Ongoing

• Champions of Health Nominations (Cox Business Center - Tulsa) Thru Tue, May 14th Start Time: 12:00am The Champions of Health awards recognize those who make a difference in the health of Oklahomans. Winners in select categories will receive $5,000 for their organization or program, and will be considered for the highest honor, the Dr. Rodney L. Huey Memorial Champion of Oklahoma Health award, along with a $15,000 contribution. Winners will be…

Wednesday, May 1st

• 1 Million Cups (36 Degrees North - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00am
• Beth Lipman: Accidental Vestiges (108|Contemporary - Tulsa) Start Time: 12:00pm
• 😂 Brandon Vestal (Loony Bin - Tulsa) Thru Sat, May 4th
• Collaboration Breakfast for Community Partners of Entrepreneurship (36 Degrees North - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00am
• Tulsa Drillers versus Midland - Bark in the Park (ONEOK Field - Tulsa) Thru Fri, May 3rd Come experience the thrill of the game as the Tulsa Drillers go head to head with the Midland RockHounds. The Drillers…
• Fitness on the Green: YOGA (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:30pm
• Food Truck Wednesday (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Day 1 of 2 Start Time: 10:00am
• 🍴 Gillies Newcomer Coffee (The Gilcrease Museum - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:00am Join us on Wednesday May 1st, from 10 a.m. to noon for good food, good fellowship and good information about becoming a Gillies volunteer at Gilcrease...
• Joel Daniel Phillips It Felt Like The Future Was Now + Richard Barlow: The Sea of Ice, Receding + Peggy Weil: 88 Cores (Philbrook Downtown - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 5th Start Time: 11:00am
• Leonard Bernstein at 100 + Dust Bowl VR Experience (Woody Guthrie Center - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 5th Start Time: 10:00am
• Local Wednesday (Inner Circle Vodka Bar - Tulsa) Start Time: 4:00pm
• MITOCHROMA + The EXPERIENCE (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 5th Start Time: 12:00pm
• 🎭 Open Auditions for Cast (Tulsa Spotlight Theatre - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:30pm Open Auditions first Wednesday of every month. 6:30pm
• Rose Gardening Without Chemicals (Tulsa Garden Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:30pm Sammy Stevens, Tulsa Rose Society member, presents her personal experience on growing roses and other plants without the use of insecticides, miticides,...
• Shovels & Rope/Frank Turner + Indianola (Cain's Ballroom - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm Folk artists Frank Turner and Shovels & Rope will share the Cain's Ballroom stage in Tulsa. Come by and hear a mix…
• Speaking Of Which A Spoken Word Open Mic (Gypsy Coffee House & Cyber Cafe - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm
• WINESDAY!! (The Tavern - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:00pm

Thursday, May 2nd

• 😂 Brandon Vestal (Loony Bin - Tulsa) Thru Sat, May 4th
• Tulsa Drillers versus Midland - Bark in the Park (ONEOK Field - Tulsa) 1 day left Come experience the thrill of the game as the Tulsa Drillers go head to head with the Midland RockHounds. The Drillers…
• Fitness on the Green: Bootcamp (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:30pm
• Food Truck Wednesday (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 10:00am
• Joel Daniel Phillips It Felt Like The Future Was Now + Richard Barlow: The Sea of Ice, Receding + Peggy Weil: 88 Cores (Philbrook Downtown - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 5th Start Time: 11:00am
• Leonard Bernstein at 100 + Dust Bowl VR Experience (Woody Guthrie Center - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 5th Start Time: 10:00am
• MITOCHROMA + The EXPERIENCE (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 5th Start Time: 12:00pm
• Movie In the Park: Bohemian Rhapsody (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:30pm
• ♪ NBA YoungBoy Live (Osage Event Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm
• Open Studio Hours (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Start Time: 4:00pm
• Push Gang TV (Soundpony Lounge - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:00pm
• Spring Cacti and Succulent Society Meeting (Tulsa Garden Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm Excited to announce Kirbi Taussig, designer for Cholmia's The Plant Place, as our guest speaker for our May meeting! Join us for refreshments, and...
• Spring Homeschool Art Classes (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:00am
• Steve Earle and the Dukes in Concert (Hard Rock Hotel & Casino Tulsa - Catoosa) Don’t miss the legendary Steve Earle as he and The Dukes take over Hard Rock Hotel & Casino Tulsa for a…
• Thirsty Thursday (Inner Circle Vodka Bar - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
• Thursday Night Throwdown (The Majestic - Tulsa) Start Time: 11:00pm
• Tomb of the Unknown Soldier Replica (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 3:00pm

Friday, May 3rd

• The 5x5 Show and Sale! (Tulsa Artists Coalition - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
• 2019 International Jazz Fest Presented by SpiritBank (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
• Bixby BBQ 'n Blues Festival (Washington Irving Park - Bixby) Day 1 of 2 One of the largest barbecue competitions in Oklahoma, the Bixby BBQ 'n Blues Festival features two days of mouthwatering…
• Benefit for Pretty Prairie School (The Hunt Club - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:00pm
• 😂 Brandon Vestal (Loony Bin - Tulsa) 1 day left
• Cinco de Mayo Fest (River West Festival Park - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 5th Gather your crew and head to Tulsa's River West Festival Park for three days of family fun during the Cinco de Mayo…
• 🏃 Cinco de Mayo Run (River West Festival Park - Tulsa) A fun evening event with great post-race food!
  One Mile Fun Run 6:30 PM
  5 km Run 7:15 PM
  
• Culinary Arts Pie Night (Antoinette Baking Co. - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:00pm
  
• Don Giovanni (Tulsa Opera Offices - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 5th Hear the Tulsa Opera perform the story of Don Giovanni live at the Tulsa Performing Arts Center. Led by conductor Andres…
  
• Tulsa Drillers versus Midland - Bark in the Park (ONEOK Field - Tulsa) Last Day Come experience the thrill of the game as the Tulsa Drillers go head to head with the Midland RockHounds. The Drillers…
  
• Tulsa Drillers versus Midland - FOX 23 Fireworks (ONEOK Field - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm
  
• Friday Night Test N Tune (Tulsa Raceway Park - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
  
• Germanfest (GAST House - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 5th Dine on authentic German fare, listen to live polka music and watch as skilled folk dancers grace the stage at the annual…
  
• Hoe You Think You Can Dance! Dance Contest (The Majestic - Tulsa) Start Time: 11:00pm
  
• Joel Daniel Phillips It Felt Like The Future Was Now + Richard Barlow: The Sea of Ice, Receding + Peggy Weil: 88 Cores (Philbrook Downtown - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 5th Start Time: 11:00am
  
• Joel Daniel Phillips It Felt Like The Future Was Now + Richard Barlow: The Sea of Ice, Receding + Peggy Weil: 88 Cores - Special (Philbrook Downtown - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
  
• ♪ LaFortune 1st Fri. Concert (The Gardens - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm Enjoy great local talent outdoors in the Gardens on the first Friday of each month. A variety of family friendly Classic Rock, Swing and Blues music. Bring a lawn chaiblanket. Sponsored by Tulsa County Parks and American Bank & Trust. Check out who's playing on Facebook ! Cherrie Lewallen (918) 496-6220 [email protected] g…
  
• 🎓 Learn and Play (The Gilcrease Museum - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:30am Presented in collaboration with Tulsa Community College Early Childhood Education Department, this program is designed for children ages 0-5 and their...
  
• Leonard Bernstein at 100 + Dust Bowl VR Experience (Woody Guthrie Center - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 5th Start Time: 10:00am
  
• MITOCHROMA + The EXPERIENCE (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 5th Start Time: 12:00pm
  
• Oklahoma State Cowboy Fast Draw Shootout Championship (Creek County Fairgrounds - Kellyville) Thru Sun, May 5th Come see the fastest guns in the West at the Oklahoma State Cowboy Fast Draw Shootout Championship. This fast-action event…
  
• ORU Golden Eagles vs Western Illinois Leathernecks (J.L. Johnson Stadium - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 5th Support the ORU Golden Eagles baseball team with tickets to their action-packed games. Grab a snack from the concession…
  
• Prophets and outlaws (Blackbird On Pearl - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00pm
  
• Prophets and Outlaws (The Shrine - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00pm
  
• Regional Kite Festival #PoweredbyFlightNight (University of Tulsa - Tulsa) Start Time: 11:00am TRSA is proud to present the 2019 Regional Kite Festival Powered by Flight Night. This event uses kites as a means to engage upper elementary students in...
  
• Robert Cray in Concert (Hard Rock Hotel & Casino Tulsa - Catoosa) Robert Cray has been bridging the lines between blues, soul and R&B for the past four decades, with five Grammy wins and…
  
• Soft Leather (Soundpony Lounge - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:00pm
  
• ♪ Strutter (The Vanguard - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm
  
• 🎭 Whose Live Anyway? (Brady Theater - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm Whose Live Anyway? Dave Foley, Joel Murray, Greg Proops & Jeff B. Davis Tickets Venue Box Office M-F 10a-6p www.bradytheater.com - Etix: 918-582-7239 On...
  
• The Wizard of Oz (Theatre Tulsa - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 5th Follow the yellow brick road to the Tulsa Performing Arts Center as Theatre Tulsa presents "The Wizard of Oz."…
  
• 🎭 The Wizard of Oz (Tulsa Performing Art Center - Tulsa) Day 1 of 2 Start Time: 7:30pm Presented By: Theatre Tulsa Follow the yellow brick road to relive the classic tale of a Kansas farm girl discovering the magical power of home! This...
  
• "Yin & Yang" Paintings by Jay Exon and Allison Keim (Chrysalis Salon & Spa - Tulsa) Day 1 of 2 Start Time: 6:00pm
  

Saturday, May 4th

• ♪ The Agony Scene - Pit & Riff Tour (The Vanguard - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:30pm
• Jenks America Food Truck Festival (Main Street - Jenks) The Jenks America Food Truck Festival brings together the best in Tulsa-area food trucks, musicians and artists for a day on…
• Autism Oklahoma Piece Walk (ONEOK Field - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:00pm
• Barry Fugatt's Tour of the Linnaeus Teaching Garden (Tulsa Garden Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:00am The beautiful Linnaeus Teaching Garden is home to thousands of plants. Barry Fugatt, Director of Horticulture, will lead a tour of the grounds that...
• Bixby BBQ 'n Blues Festival (Washington Irving Park - Bixby) Day 2 of 2 One of the largest barbecue competitions in Oklahoma, the Bixby BBQ 'n Blues Festival features two days of mouthwatering…
• Beth Lipman: Accidental Vestiges (108|Contemporary - Tulsa) Day 1 of 2 Start Time: 12:00pm
• 🏃 Blacklight Run (Tulsa Raceway Park - Tulsa) The Blacklight Run™ is none other than the brightest, most fun 5K out there. At the Blacklight Run™ we aren’t focused on how fast or how far you can run, what type of exercise you enjoy, or if you’re an avid runner. We don’t care if you’ve never run a day in your life! Instead, we welcome any and all participants…
• ♪ Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band (BOK Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm American singer-songwriter, guitarist and pianist Bob Seger and his band The Silver Bullets take the BOK Center stage in…
• Owasso Bouquet of Gardeners Spring Festival (Owasso) Celebrate Mother's Day and the full blooms that come with warm weather at the Owasso Bouquet of Gardeners Spring…
• 😂 Brandon Vestal (Loony Bin - Tulsa) Last Day
• Cinco de Mayo Fest (River West Festival Park - Tulsa) 1 day left Gather your crew and head to Tulsa's River West Festival Park for three days of family fun during the Cinco de Mayo…
• The Debut Tour with Ella Mai + Mahalia (Cain's Ballroom - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm 10 Summers Presents
• Don Giovanni (Tulsa Opera Offices - Tulsa) 1 day left Hear the Tulsa Opera perform the story of Don Giovanni live at the Tulsa Performing Arts Center. Led by conductor Andres…
• Tulsa drillers versus Corpus Christi - Channel 8 Grand Slam Saturday Fireworks (ONEOK Field - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm
• 🎭 The Drunkard and the Olio (Tulsa Spotlight Theatre - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:30pm
• Tulsa Garden Club Tour (Tulsa Garden Center - Tulsa) Join the Tulsa Garden Club as they celebrate their 69th annual Garden Tour. One of the community's longest-running…
• Germanfest (GAST House - Tulsa) 1 day left Dine on authentic German fare, listen to live polka music and watch as skilled folk dancers grace the stage at the annual…
• Greg Gutfeld (Cox Business Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm
• 🎓 The Gutfeld Monologues Live Tour w/Tom Shillue (Cox Business Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm Join Greg Gutfeld & special guest Tom Shillue for an unforgettable evening of hilarious, insightful and engaging conversation on topics from his New York...
• High Noon Shootout (JM Davis Arms & Historical Museum - Claremore) At JM Davis Arms & Historical Museum, experience a High Noon Shootout straight out of an old Western film. The Tri-State…
• Jim Breuer Live (Brady Theater - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm
• Joel Daniel Phillips It Felt Like The Future Was Now + Richard Barlow: The Sea of Ice, Receding + Peggy Weil: 88 Cores (Philbrook Downtown - Tulsa) 1 day left Start Time: 11:00am
• Kendall Whittier Mercado (Kendall-Whittier - Tulsa) Twice a month from May to October, scope out handmade goods and unique art on display at the Kendall Whittier Mercado in…
• Leonard Bernstein at 100 + Dust Bowl VR Experience (Woody Guthrie Center - Tulsa) 1 day left Start Time: 10:00am
• The Mighty Pines (The Shrine - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00pm
• MITOCHROMA + The EXPERIENCE (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) 1 day left Start Time: 12:00pm
• Tulsa Noise Fest 2019 (Tulsa Artists Coalition - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:00pm
• Oklahoma State Cowboy Fast Draw Shootout Championship (Creek County Fairgrounds - Kellyville) 1 day left Come see the fastest guns in the West at the Oklahoma State Cowboy Fast Draw Shootout Championship. This fast-action event…
• ORU Golden Eagles vs Western Illinois Leathernecks (J.L. Johnson Stadium - Tulsa) 1 day left Support the ORU Golden Eagles baseball team with tickets to their action-packed games. Grab a snack from the concession…
• Pie Night (Antoinette Baking Co. - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:00pm
• Restoring Harmony Powwow (Westside YMCA - Tulsa) Experience the spirit of an ancient tradition at the Restoring Harmony Powwow at Tulsa's Westside YMCA. This…
  • Rose District Farmers Market (Rose District Plaza - Broken Arrow) Thru Sat, Oct 26th Start Time: 8:00am different music, events, and guests, each week
• 🏃 Run Walk Wag (Hunter Park - Tulsa) Supporting Rescued 'n Ready Animal Foundation
  10:00am 5K begins 10:15am 1 Mil Fun Run Begins
  Free Lunch for participants following race
  $25 5K Admission $20 1 Mile Admission
  
• 🎭 Sassy Mamas (Tulsa Performing Art Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm Presented By: Theatre North Love — or something close to it — is in the air. Sassy Mamas by Celeste Bedford Walker takes a look at
  
• Shake It Up Saturday w/ DJ KONNECT (The Majestic - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00pm
  
• 🏃 Smokin' Pig 5K & Fun Run/Walk (Bixby - Bixby) This race is benefitting the Bixby Outreach Center's Summer-Meals-for-Kids program. We feed kids during the summer on free and reduced meals during the school year that might otherwise go hungry. This is a certified USATF 5k with prizes for overall and age/gender divisions. Come join us and run with a cause!…
  
• 🎭 Something Rotten! (Broken Arrow Performing Arts Center - Broken Arrow) Start Time: 7:30pm Set in 1595, this hilarious smash tells the story of Nick and Nigel Bottom, two brothers who are desperate to write a hit play. When a local soothsayer...
  
• Soul night! (Soundpony Lounge - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:00pm
  
• Sovereign Dame - Muderous Mary - Jason Ford (The Hunt Club - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00pm
  
• 🏃 Tour de Tulsa (River West Festival Park - Tulsa) Ride 5-100 Miles, a great non-competitive ride exploring the Tulsa area. Great food, wonderful riding and it all benefits Pathways to Health. Family Fun Ride option.
  
• Tulsa VegFest (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:00am Tulsa will host its annual VegFest at Guthrie Green in the downtown Tulsa Arts District. VegFest will feature over 50…
  
• The Wizard of Oz (Theatre Tulsa - Tulsa) 1 day left Follow the yellow brick road to the Tulsa Performing Arts Center as Theatre Tulsa presents "The Wizard of Oz."…
  
• 🎭 The Wizard of Oz (Tulsa Performing Art Center - Tulsa) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 7:30pm Presented By: Theatre Tulsa Follow the yellow brick road to relive the classic tale of a Kansas farm girl discovering the magical power of home! This...
  
• "Yin & Yang" Paintings by Jay Exon and Allison Keim (Chrysalis Salon & Spa - Tulsa) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 6:00pm
  

Sunday, May 5th

• Tulsa Athletic vs Little Rock Rangers (Veterans Park - Tulsa) Put on your green and yellow, and cheer the Athletic team to victory in downtown Tulsa. In their first season in 2013, the…
• 🍴 Ballet Meets Broadway (Tulsa Ballet - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:00pm Be in the room where it happens! Enjoy an open bar with themed cocktails by local mixologists, light hors d’oeuvres, and a chance to meet and hear from...
• Beth Lipman: Accidental Vestiges (108|Contemporary - Tulsa) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 12:00pm
• Cinco de Mayo Fest (River West Festival Park - Tulsa) Last Day Gather your crew and head to Tulsa's River West Festival Park for three days of family fun during the Cinco de Mayo…
• Don Giovanni (Tulsa Opera Offices - Tulsa) Last Day Hear the Tulsa Opera perform the story of Don Giovanni live at the Tulsa Performing Arts Center. Led by conductor Andres…
• Tulsa drillers versus Corpus Christi - Kids Eat Free (ONEOK Field - Tulsa) Start Time: 1:00pm
• Game of Thrones Watch Party (Inner Circle Vodka Bar - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm
• Germanfest (GAST House - Tulsa) Last Day Dine on authentic German fare, listen to live polka music and watch as skilled folk dancers grace the stage at the annual…
• Horton Records Sunday Concert Series - Pilgrim, Dane & The Soup, The Dull Drums (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 2:30pm
• Joel Daniel Phillips It Felt Like The Future Was Now + Richard Barlow: The Sea of Ice, Receding + Peggy Weil: 88 Cores (Philbrook Downtown - Tulsa) Last Day Start Time: 11:00am
• Leonard Bernstein at 100 + Dust Bowl VR Experience (Woody Guthrie Center - Tulsa) Last Day Start Time: 10:00am
• MITOCHROMA + The EXPERIENCE (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Last Day Start Time: 12:00pm
• Northeast Oklahoma Autocross (Expo Square - Tulsa) See sports cars compete in challenging Northeast Oklahoma Autocross events this spring. Cars will take to the Fair Meadows…
• Oklahoma State Cowboy Fast Draw Shootout Championship (Creek County Fairgrounds - Kellyville) Last Day Come see the fastest guns in the West at the Oklahoma State Cowboy Fast Draw Shootout Championship. This fast-action event…
• Open Studio Hours (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Start Time: 12:00pm
• ORU Golden Eagles vs Western Illinois Leathernecks (J.L. Johnson Stadium - Tulsa) Last Day Support the ORU Golden Eagles baseball team with tickets to their action-packed games. Grab a snack from the concession…
• Prairie Brewpub’s 3rd Anniversary Party (Prairie Brewpub - Tulsa) Start Time: 3:00pm
• 🏆 Second Round: Idaho Steelheads at Tulsa Rd 2, Hm Gm C (BOK Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 4:05pm
• Soundpony Birthday Bash #13- DJ Sweet Baby Jayzus (Soundpony Lounge - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:00pm
• Sunday Showcase hosted by Shanel Sterling (The Majestic - Tulsa) Start Time: 11:00pm
• Sunday Zumba with Ariane Betancourt (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:30am
• Vinyl Brunch Sunday (Chimera Cafe - Tulsa) Start Time: 12:00pm
• Whose Live Anyway? (Brady Theater - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm
• The Wizard of Oz (Theatre Tulsa - Tulsa) Last Day Follow the yellow brick road to the Tulsa Performing Arts Center as Theatre Tulsa presents "The Wizard of Oz."…
• Yin & Yang - Paintings by Jay Exon and Allison Keim (Chrysalis Salon & Spa - Tulsa) Start Time: 12:00pm

Monday, May 6th

• Tulsa drillers versus Corpus Christi - Day Baseball Ozone Alert Day (ONEOK Field - Tulsa) Start Time: 12:00pm
• Fitness on the Green: YOGA (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:30pm
• Fitness on the Green: ZUMBA (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:30pm
• How to Build a Website: I Have a Platform. Time to Dive In. (36 Degrees North - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
• ♪ Marbin (The Vanguard - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm Chicago-based progressive jazz-rock band Marbin brings together the best of their blended genres, delivering a unique sound…
• Marbin (The Shrine - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:30pm Nova Rockafeller, B Hart, Mikey-P
• 🏆 Second Round: Idaho Steelheads at Tulsa Rd 2, Hm Gm D (BOK Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:05pm

Tuesday, May 7th

• 🍴 Barre Society Happy Hour (R Bar & Grill - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:30pm Grab a drink with fellow Barre Society members at Foolish Things: Bar and Biscuit and catch up on the news at the Ballet! Hope to see all of you there!...
• Cultivating High-Impact Boards (36 Degrees North - Tulsa) Start Time: 11:30am
• Tulsa drillers versus Corpus Christi - 2 Works For You $2 Tuesday (ONEOK Field - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm
• Fitness on the Green: Bootcamp (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:30pm
• Hack Night (36 Degrees North - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
• HedPe (The Shrine - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm
• Leonard Bernstein at 100 + Dust Bowl VR Experience (Woody Guthrie Center - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 12th Start Time: 10:00am
• LOST GENIUS FOUND: Bette Howland @ IDL Ballroom (Brady District - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm
• Open Mic Night (Gypsy Coffee House & Cyber Cafe - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm
• The Pearl Jam (Blackbird On Pearl - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00pm
• Small Business Startup & Taxes (36 Degrees North - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
• SoMo: The Phases Tour (Cain's Ballroom - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm SoMo plans to take over the Cain's Ballroom stage with an original mix of pop and soul. Selling out shows across…
• Trivia Night (Inner Circle Vodka Bar - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm
• Trivia with JACK? (Soundpony Lounge - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:30pm
• ♪ The Unlikely Candidates & Irontom: the Midnight Love Tour (The Vanguard - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm Head to the Vanguard in Tulsa to hear indie rock band The Unlikely Candidates perform an energetic live set. This Fort…

See Also

• OK Gamers
• Techlahoma
• Tulsa Meetup Groups
• Tulsa Library Events

Sunday:
NORTH:
·1. Protestors rally to save current Lake County Discovery Museum in Wauconda; leave after Forest Preserve rangers ask them to leave because they didn't have a permit, 40 minutes into the protest (Chicago Tribune/Lake County News-Sun)
·2. Lake County Division of Transportation to have open house June 15 in Waukegan to discuss engineering of intersections along Wadsworth Road (Daily Herald)
·3. Independence Day activities planned for July 2 in Fox Lake (Daily Herald)
NORTHWEST:
·4. Palatine Jaycees seek community members to participate in this year's Hometown Fest on July 1-2 (Daily Herald)
·5. Respondents to Prospect Heights Water Committee survey divided on bringing in city water; some residents interested in improving quality of their well water (Daily Herald)
WEST:
·6. Naperville residents gather for farewell to 'the Barn,' slated to be demolished in early July (Chicago Tribune/Naperville Sun)
SOUTH:
·7. 18-year-old from Country Club Hills shot to death in Markham (Chicago Sun-Times)
NORTHWEST INDIANA:
·8. West Point cadet from Chesterton among nine soldiers killed at Fort Hood when flood waters sweep truck off road (Chicago Tribune/Gary Post-Tribune)
REGIONAL
·9. Skate Safe campaign designed to promote safe skateboarding to have demonstrations during June in Forest Park, Glen Ellyn, Hinsdale, Munster, Oak Park, Wheaton (ABC 7)
Monday:
NORTH:
·10. 40-year-old Six Flags Great America remains keystone to Gurnee tourism industry (Daily Herald)
·11. Deerfield-based Walgreens tops Fortune 500 companies in Illinois (Chicago Sun-Times)
·12. Deal between Lake County Forest Preserve, Water Reclamation District of Greater Chicago would expand reservoir, reduce flooding downstream, add $3.5 million worth of improvements to Buffalo Creek Reservoir forest preserve (Daily Herald)
NORTHWEST:
·13. Barrington Hills police officer, Lake in the Hills man seriously injured in crash on County Lake Road at Bellwood Drive in Barrington Hills (Chicago Tribune/Barrington Courier-Review)
·14. Elgin Area Unit School District U-46 to roll out dual-language instruction at five of its eight middle schools in coming school year (Daily Herald)
·15. Park Ridge police report evidence of drug use in three-vehicle crash that hospitalized four people on Sunday (Chicago Tribune/Park Ridge Herald-Advocate)
·16. Carpentersville selects Cedar Falls, Iowa, fire chief to head up village's fire department (Daily Herald)
WEST:
·17. Packy Webb Ford's Wheaton dealership building on Roosevelt Road demolished to make way for self-storage facility for luxury, classic vehicles (Daily Herald)
·18. Wheaton College baseball/basketball coach and former Brooklyn Dodger LeRoy Pfund passes away at age 96 (Daily Herald)
·19. Oak Park changes building-height limit, plans to add luxury high-rise apartment buildings in hopes of attracting millennials, empty-nesters to its downtown (Chicago Tribune)
·20. Vote on Lisle-Benedictine University Sports Complex refinancing postponed (Daily Herald)
·21. Hilton Lisle/Naperville facing foreclosure, after owner fails to pay back loan that came due (Daily Herald)
SOUTHWEST:
·22. OPINION: Teacher surveys show trust issues with administration at Bremen High School District 228 (Chicago Tribune/Daily Southtown)
·23. Former Joliet Park District director — now director of Midlothian Park District — sued over alleged sexual harassment, assault of employee (Chicago Tribune)
SOUTH:
·24. Man charged with two shootings, running over and killing policeman in Memphis had lived in Chicago Heights, had mental illness (CBS 2)
NORTHWEST INDIANA:
·25. Associated Press: About 52 percent of Indiana police departments don't report hate-crime data to FBI (Chicago Tribune)
·26. Federal judge in Trump University case grew up in East Chicago, attended high school in Hammond, graduated from Indiana University, IU School of Law (CBS 2)
·27. One person dead in fiery semi-vs-semi crash that closed all eastbound lanes of Indiana Toll Road in LaPorte County (NBC 5)
·28. Arrest warrant issued for man in Hammond bank robbery; suspect known to frequent places in Hammond, Crown Point, Calumet City and Chicago (FOX 32)
·29. Cases of syphilis in Indiana rise 70 percent over last year (Chicago Tribune)
REGIONAL
·30.American Cancer Society seeking volunteers to drive patients to treatment (CBS 2)
·31.Dairy Queen plans 30 to 35 new restaurants in Chicago area, primarily in Cook, Lake counties (Crain's Chicago Business)
Tuesday:
NORTH:
·32. Coast Guard rescues three men from boat that capsized in Lake Michigan 11 miles east of Lake Forest (Chicago Tribune/Lake County News-Sun)
·33. Deerfield High School's new principal resigns current post as principal of Chicago's Lane Tech College Prep School (ABC 7)
·34. 3-year-old girl injured in chaos that followed shooting in North Chicago (WGN TV)
·35. Schwartz's Intimate Apparel in Highland Park to close after 100 years in business (Chicago Tribune/Highland Park News)
·36. Evanston teen charged with armed robbery of 19-year-old Skokie man during alleged drug deal (Chicago Tribune/Evanston Review)
·37. Lake County Animal Control investigating reported dog attack in Lake Zurich (Daily Herald)
NORTHWEST:
·38. Des Plaines mayor calls for elected officials to disclose any active lawsuits against city; alderman receiving disability benefits says he isn't suing the city (Daily Herald)
·39. Arlington Heights looking at ways to improve appearance of areas around Northwest Highway (from Arlington Park to downtown), Rand Road (near Arlington Heights and Palatine roads) (Daily Herald)
·40. Piggly Wiggly Midwest acquires Joe Caputo & Sons stores and assets in Algonquin, Des Plaines and Palatine (NBC 5)
·41. McHenry man charged with stabbing woman to death in his home (FOX 32)
·42. $8.4 million pedestrian bridge over Interstate 90 at Barrington Road in Hoffman Estates to be part of major expansion of bus services (Chicago Tribune)
·43. Streamwood trustee, former Streamwood Park District president Guy Patterson dead at age 65 (Daily Herald)
WEST:
·44. Man walking in right lane of traffic on Eisenhower Expressway in Maywood struck and killed by car (Chicago Tribune)
·45. 19-year-old St. Charles North High graduate beaten, stabbed to death by boyfriend in DeKalb apartment (Chicago Tribune)
·45. Bolingbrook bus monitor accused of slapping, hitting 8-year-old special-needs student (Chicago Tribune/Naperville Sun)
·46. Man wounded in shooting in 7600 block of Orchard Lane in Woodridge (Chicago Sun-Times)
·47. Carol Stream considering $2.07 million bike/pedestrian path that link Great Western Trail, Schmale along Gunderson Drive, possibly Thornhill Drive (Daily Herald)
·48. Geneva-based Fox Valley Jewish Neighbors celebrates 10th anniversary in city with dedication of 20-foot mural along Third Street (Daily Herald)
·49. Naperville Unit School District 203 considers $792,500 worth of budget cuts in face of state budget impasse (Daily Herald)
·50. Woman who stole private ambulance from Chicago hospital stopped, arrested on Tri-State Tollway near Cicero (CBS 2)
·51. 12-year-old Glen Ellyn boy reported missing is found safe one day after he disappeared (Chicago Sun-Times)
·52. Two DuPage Democrats may be barred from general-election ballot after party officials hand-picked them after nobody appeared on primary ballot (Daily Herald)
·53. No bail for sex offender from Villa Park accused of videotaping boy in Wrigley Field bathroom (Daily Herald)
SOUTHWEST:
·54. 33-year-old woman dies as result of car crash in Oak Lawn (Chicago Sun-Times)
SOUTH:
·55. Richton Park man charged with shooting two men in the legs in Chicago (Chicago Sun-Times)
NORTHWEST INDIANA:
·56. Illinois company and five of its employees file lawsuit against Ironworkers union, claiming union workers attacked them at Dyer construction site (Chicago Tribune/Gary Post-Tribune)
REGIONAL
·57. U.S. Senator Mark Kirk (R-Illinois) withdraws his endorsement of Donald Trump in wake of controversial comments about Hispanic judge in Trump University fraud case (CBS 2)
Wednesday:
NORTH:
·58. 71-year-old Antioch woman died from a massive stroke before being found bitten by her dogs (Daily Herald)
·59. Libertyville to take public input as village starts work on strategic plan, a process being guided by Northern Illinois University's Center for Government Studies (Daily Herald)
·60. Police: Explosion inside women's restroom at Evanston Target likely a 'MacGyver' dry-ice bomb (WGN TV)
·61. $40 million Navy museum proposed for North Chicago would be first in nation dedicated to currently enlisted sailors (Chicago Tribune)
·62. Northbrook woman to be ordained minister by Womenpriests group expects to be ex-communicated by Catholic Church (Chicago Tribune/Northbrook Star)
NORTHWEST:
·63. Science teachers say Maine Township High School District 207's new 'hybrid' schedule will cut their instruction time (Daily Herald)
·64. Elgin residents (many black) attending meeting on controversial mural inspired by 1930s lynching photo don't want to see painting on display anywhere (Daily Herald)
·65. Person struck and killed by Metra District-West Line train between Big Timber and Elgin stations in Elgin (FOX 32)
·66. Elgin man who teaches at Carpentersville Middle School charged with criminal sexual assault of a teen (Chicago Tribune/Elgin Courier-News)
·67. Woodman's Food Market announces plans for store at corner of Deerfield Parkway and Milwaukee Avenue in Buffalo Grove (Daily Herald)
WEST:
·68. Batavia police officer shoots, wounds pitbull that ran at him while he was lying on the ground; wounded dog flees, attacks another dog (Chicago Tribune/Aurora Beacon-News)
·69. Metra closing Riverside station ticket office as of Monday, June 13 (Chicago Sun-Times)
·70. Wynonna Judd, Rick Steves, Ira Glass, Herb Alpert, Bruce Hornsby among acts, personalities to appear on stage during McAninch Arts Center's 30th anniversary season at COD in Glen Ellyn (Daily Herald)
·71. Aurora Public Library cuts 11 jobs, won't fill another 10 positions in effort to reduce $1.7 million budget deficit (Daily Herald)
·72. Naperville City Council votes to place advisory referendum on November ballot asking whether residents want to do away with townships; another question would measure voters' opinion on consolidating township road district into city (Daily Herald)
·73. North Aurora man pleads guilty to attempting to meet two teenage girls for sex in Aurora hotel, sentenced to 33 months in prison (FOX 32)
·74. Yorkville police looking into claims of theft of up to $200,000 from Kendall County Food Pantry (Chicago Tribune/Aurora Beacon-News)
·75. Secretary of State's Lombard office expected to reopen this coming week, one month after heating/air-condition system broke down (Daily Herald)
·76. Chef who catered to Frank Sinatra to close Bistro Monet in Glen Ellyn and retire (Daily Herald)
SOUTHWEST:
·77. Palos Park police investigating two home burglaries that occurred Monday one block apart: one on 12800 block of South Laughry Lane, other on 12800 block of West McCord Trace (Chicago Sun-Times)
·78. Garbage-truck driver taken to hospital after vehicle overturns at intersection of U.S. Route 30 and Larkin Avenue in Crest Hill (ABC 7)
SOUTH:
·79. Kankakee County man arrested for distribution of heroin in Wilmington, southern Will County; held on $6 million bond (Chicago Sun-Times)
NORTHWEST INDIANA:
·80. Crown Point man involved in alleged drunk-driving accident in Hobart rear-ends police car en route to scene, injuring two officers (Chicago Sun-Times)
·81. Gary Common Council rejects proposed home for pregnant teens after neighbors complain about potential effects on neighborhood (Chicago Tribune/Gary Post-Tribune)
REGIONAL
·82. Fitch Ratings upgrades Cook County's bond outlook to 'stable,' third credit-rating agency to make similar move this week (Daily Herald)
·83. Illinois Attorney General sues Champaign-based Jimmy John's over 'highly restrictive' non-compete agreement employees have to sign (Chicago Tribune)
Thursday:
NORTH:
·84. Adjunct and tenure-ineligible faculty at Northwestern University in Evanston file petition for unionization, elections (Chicago Tribune)
·85. President of Deerfield-based Walgreens promoted to co-COO of parent Walgreens Boots Alliance; executive changes hint at deeper problems for company (Crain's Chicago Business)
NORTHWEST:
·86. Rosemont begins work on 'skybridge' linking Fashion Outlets of Chicago with MB Financial Park entertainment district, despite state not paying up $15 million grant (Daily Herald)
·87. Elgin Beverage plans to move warehouse, distribution center to Bartlett (Daily Herald)
·88. Red-light cameras at Deer Park Boulevard and Rand Road shut off Friday (Daily Herald)
·89. Staff at Barrington White House starting up final phase of fundraising for renovations to community center (Daily Herald)
WEST:
·90. Victim of attempted robbery in a parking lot on First Street in Elmhurst gets shot in hip (NBC 5)
·91. Burr Ridge Boy Scout organizes toy drive for young cancer patients, delivers 2,000 toys to Chicago children's hospital (WGN TV)
·92. 16-year-old boy shot in the head during drive-by shooting in Melrose Park dies five days later (FOX 32)
·93. Wheaton-Warrenville Unit School District 200 exploring possible spring referendum to raise money for repairs, renovations to district's buildings (Daily Herald)
SOUTHWEST:
·94. Jury finds Chicago woman guilty of pregnant Alsip teen's murder in 2011 (Chicago Tribune/Daily Southtown)
NORTHWEST INDIANA:
·95. Lake County Coroner's Office trying to locate family of deceased Highland man (Chicago Sun-Times)
·96. State audit shows former Munster School District superintendent, assistant superintendent owes town $851,000 from overpayments of annuities, after pushing through tax hike to keep schools running (CBS 2)
·97. Indiana Department of Child Services urging organization that installed baby safe boxes to remove them, threatening to investigate their use as child abandonment (ABC 7)
·98. Former Gary firefighter who worked as substitution teacher at Dunbar-Pulaski Middle School pleads guilty to battery for pushing, 'smacking' student (Chicago Tribune/Gary Post-Tribune)
REGIONAL
·99. Registered sex offender from Woodridge accused of taking photos of child in Buffalo Grove (CBS 2)
Friday:
NORTH:
·100. Gurnee police: Car appeared to intentionally hit skateboarder, who suffered scrapes as result (Chicago Tribune/Lake County News-Sun)
·101. Morton Grove house suffers estimated $200,000 worth of damage in fire (Chicago Sun-Times)
·102. Car crashes into tree, building on Dempster Street in Skokie; driver taken to hospital (Chicago Sun-Times)
NORTHWEST:
·103. Pedestrian struck and killed by SUV while trying to cross Center Road at Weller Lane in Mount Prospect (Chicago Sun-Times)
·104. Driver of car struck by vehicle involved in 2015 police chase sues Park Ridge, claiming negligence, conspiracy (Chicago Sun-Times)
·105. Temporary flight-departure route at Chicago Executive Airport in Wheeling should mean less noise for residents, more for industrial area (Daily Herald)
·106. Phil's Village Sports Center in Arlington Heights stays closed Friday after protest 'tour' sets up outside gun shop (Chicago Tribune/Arlington Heights Post)
·107. Mount Prospect woman struck and killed by SUV while crossing Central Road in Mount Prospect; Elk Grove Village woman charged with failure to slow down to avoid an accident (Chicago Tribune/Arlington Heights Post)
·108. 23-year-old Hanover Park man facing charges of sexual abuse of 16-year-old girl whom he got drunk with vodka (Daily Herald)
·109. Barrington Hills woman with plenty of food-service experience to open family restaurant and upscale lounge in West Dundee (Daily Herald)
·110. Woodman's Food Market's plan for Lakemoor store still on the table, even after announcement of Buffalo Grove location (Daily Herald)
WEST:
·111. Embattled Naperville Township highway commissioner changes mind, decides to run for re-election (Daily Herald)
·112. Naperville Liquor Commission rejects Starbucks' request for license to sell beer, wine (Daily Herald)
·113. Chicago White Sox pick Downer Grove native Zack Burdi during Major League Baseball draft (NBC 5)
·114. Glenbard West High School student earns perfect scores on ACT, SAT (ABC 7)
·115. Democratic DuPage County Board member wants county out of Illinois Municipal Retirement Fund, as Democratic state legislator proposes bill to end public pensions for certain elected positions (Daily Herald)
SOUTHWEST:
·116. Man robs bank on Governors Highway in Richton Park (Chicago Sun-Times)
SOUTH:
·117. Taxpayers in Lincoln-Way High School District 210 owe $474 million in bond debt, which includes money borrowed on back-loaded debt scheme approved by school board (Chicago Tribune/Daily Southtown)
NORTHWEST INDIANA:
·118. National Black Political Convention convenes in Gary (Chicago Tribune/Gary Post-Tribune)
·119. Lake County Sheriff's Police investigate crash in Hammond in which an officer was injured (NBC 5)
·120. Four workers at Hobart assisted-living center charged with battery, neglect (Chicago Tribune/Gary Post-Tribune)
REGIONAL
·121. Minooka police receive ten fraud reports within nine days, with credit or debit cards being used in Chicago, Elgin and Elk Grove Village (NBC 5)
·122. Metra Electric Line train derails in Chicago, stopping services inbound and outbound (WGN TV)
Saturday:
NORTH:
· 123. Fremont Public Library, Friends of the Library, Mundelein Elementary School District 75, Mundelein-Vernon Hills Rotary Club build four Little Free Libraries for the community (Daily Herald)
· 124. Mount Prospect Community Band celebrates 40th anniversary, new start with new director (Daily Herald)
· 125. Chicago woman arrested for explosion at Evanston Target; she reportedly was concocting something to get a chemical high when the solution exploded (NBC 5)
· 126. 16th annual Lake Villa Celebration of Summer on Saturday featured car show, rib-eating contest, concert and fireworks (Daily Herald)
· 127. Democratic candidate for Lake County Board District 5 withdraws from race; party expected to appoint new candidate (Daily Herald)
NORTHWEST:
· 128. Wisconsin woman tests positive for heroin after the car she was driving crossed into oncoming traffic on May 6 in McHenry and struck a motorcycle, severely injuring a man and causing the death of his wife (Chicago Tribune)
· 129. City of Elgin, Grand Victoria Casino to foot $30,000 bill for Fourth of July festivities, making fireworks, entertainment free for visitors (Daily Herald)
WEST:
· 130. Candymaker Wm. Wrigley Jr. Co.'s Yorkville plant undergoing $50 million expansion, will produce Skittles in addition to other candy products (Chicago Tribune)
· 131. Whole Foods' move to Wheaton's Danada Square East mall encourages Charter Fitness, Sierra Trading Post, Starbucks to locate there too (Daily Herald)
· 132. Rotating Math+Motion interactive art exhibit connects kids with math concepts at DuPage Children's Museum in Naperville (Daily Herald)
SOUTH:
· 133. Markham woman electrocuted after falling onto Blue Line tracks at CTA's Addison Street station (WBBM AM 780)
NORTHWEST INDIANA:
· 134. Hammond infant's April 15 death at home in unincorporated Calumet Township ruled a homicide (Chicago Sun-Times)
· 135. Gary man's body recovered from Pine Lake in LaPorte County (Chicago Tribune/Gary Post-Tribune)
REGIONAL
· 136. Wet weather means ants moving indoors in Chicago area (Chicago Tribune)

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Date: 2012-05-29
Link to submission (Has self-text)
Link to my post

Questions	Answers
How do avoid the larger river traffic (barges, ships, etc..) that might not be looking out for something as small as a kayak? Any close encounters?	The barges stay in their marked channel well and are not a huge problem. I was in a few large pools this last weekend when everybody took out their motor boats. A bunch of drunks in speedboats are scarier to me. I had a guy Sunday come within a few feet of me. I almost threw my paddle at him.
	When I was passing through Burlington Iowa 2 boats collided a few miles down from where I was camping. 4 people died and I have been much more cautious since then.
	I had a barge sneak up on me from behind near the Wisconsin, Illinois border. I about pooped my self when it blew it's horn at me. Stupid Iowa NPR had a segment called "steamboat stories" that had that sound every time it started and would send shivers up my spine.
Not that I'd be pulling rank with a barge, but don't you technically have the right of way being that you have no motor? At least sail boats always have the right of way.	Barges stay in their channel that is well marked by bouys. I might have the right of way but that means nothing if they can't see me.
Simple question- Why are you doing this? Also, any pics to share?	Generic answer I give - "Because life is short and I wouldn't want to live it without having paddled the Mississippi"
	Personal answer - "I need to get back to nature to figure out some stuff after Iraq"
	Reason Now - "I want to come back next year and help a wounded warrior to become the first paraplegic to paddle the entire river. The amount of freedom I feel everyday is breath taking and I want to share it with someone who deserves it"
	*edit - I am uploading an album to imgur now.
I want to come back next year and help a wounded warrior to become the first paraplegic to paddle the entire river. Please let us know when you get to the planning phase of this. I'll gladly kick in some money towards it.	First thing when I get back. This is my new biggest priority besides not dying on the river.
Personal answer - "I need to get back to nature to figure out some stuff after Iraq" If you find yourself in New Orleans next Saturday, I will buy the booze.	I will be there in 4 weeks.
The first answer is good enough for me, but each one after gets better and better. Best of luck to you :o)	The ups is that I go as far as I want everyday, stop when I want and have time to really discover myself. I also can sing as loud as I want to a Kesha or Pink song on the radio while I am paddling.
Another question if you will? - What are the ups and downs to doing this solo? (Note: Solo, not alone)	The downside is it is very lonely. When I first started out I would not see people for days and was alone which was ok and I felt fine. Now that I am somewhere where I see people all the time I feel lonely. Every person I meet asks me the same 3 or 4 questions.
Where do you jerk off?	In my tent, the hammock makes it hard to maneuver.
When will you pass through Memphis? I reddit work literally on the banks of the river just south of the I-55 bridge.	In about 8 days.
1) What are the expected total costs (gear included)?	1) The boat and gear ran me about 2000 dollars. 400 dollars for the ticket to Minneapolis, 300 to the guy who took me to Itasca. Then about 20 dollars per day I was on the river.
If you ever need a ride from Minneapolis to Itasca again, please just come to /twincitiessocial or PM me. $300 is ridiculous and I know that we could find someone to tote you up there for much less.	I gave him 300$ because while I was waiting to go up I was bumming around the Mall of America, killing time. A cute girl asked me if I wanted to go to a casino and I said yes, because I love buffets and knew I could eat whatever I wanted. Waiting for the bus back to the mall so I could catch the shuttle back to my hotel I put 20 dollars in the Ghostbusters slot. I won 600 dollars. I don't really gamble and so I bought a nice hat and some nicer sunglasses for my trip. The guy who gave me a ride would have done it for free but I felt he deserved more and so gave him half of my winnings.
Is your name Huck or Jim?	I am glad you did not write out Jim's name like Mark Twain did.
Would that even be possible? You'd exert so much energy per mile compared to going downstream...	Everything from Minneapolis to St. Louis is flat because of the 29 locks and dams. It makes the river more like a staircase than a slope.
I noticed there was a picture of you inside a lock. Do they actually let a tiny boat like yours through the locks? Do they open and close the locks just for your little kayak?	It seems a bit excessive but they send me through all by myself. The people at the locks are the only people I regularly talk to and are usually cool guys. In the locks with the bigger drops it feels like Star Wars with the giant gates opening.
But I mean you're going against the current regardless. Do kayaks skim the water so it wouldn't be too difficult? I guess I imagine paddling downstream somewhat like tubing down a river. Am I wrong?	Back when the river was small and shallow there are sections that are class 2 rapids that would be very very difficult to paddle upstream. Also Saulk Rapids a couple of days north of Minneapolis would be almost impossible to paddle through. I think a rowing skiff would work best on most of it.
Pool 26 represent. FYI, St. Louis's sewer company, MSD, dumps raw sewage into the Mississippi. Hows the water quality now that you've come to our fine city?	It has been nasty since Minneapolis. Everybody's poo goes into the river.
How do you get on reddit?	I am at a hotel today. I have a smartphone and reddit is fun on it.
1) how are you going to paddle to pensacola? is it safe to take your boat through the gulf?	1) I plan on paddling the inter coastal most of the way from the mouth to Pensacola, my boat is very stable and can handle the gulf if I need it to.
2) do you like living in pensacola? do you consider it part of the deep south?	2) I do not like living in Pensacola, I plan on moving back to SLC. Pensacola is a great place to visit but not so much to live in, and yes it is very deep South.
Do you stop and visit some places you pass? If so, did you stop in the quad cities? (that's my hometown)	I paddled through the quad cities at night. Your hometown is probably the most polluted area on the Mississippi. The water smelled like paint. I broke my paddle in the quad cities and was not very happy there.
How did you break your paddle?	Going through the last lock in the quad cities I had to pee very bad. There is a rocky area just left of the locks when you exit. A lock can take 30 minutes and I had to go really bad. When I was paddling into that rocky area my paddle hit a rock and the blade broke.
Twin cities resident here! Did you see all the dogs along the shore chasing balls and having a merry time just before passing Fort Snelling?	I did. They were on my left as I paddled by. Dogs love to come to the banks and bark at me. *edit - I keep a detailed journal while I am out here but you just reminded me of something I might have never remembered had you not asked. Thanks.
Had I been there that day this may have greeted you. Link to imgur.com I do have a serious question though: how has gear weight played a part in your selection of gear? How much does all of your gear weigh sans kayak? How often do you stop to resupply food and how much food and water do you carry with you?	I do not have to worry about weight like I do when I backpack. My kayak alone weighs around 65 pounds. My gear is probably around 45 pounds now and I have about 15 pounds of food. I carry usually a weeks supply of food that is mostly mac and cheese and stovetop stuffing for dinner with pop tarts and candy bars for the day. Water is more difficult than food. I have a 10 liter MSR water bag and a 4 liter platypus bag. I have not been able to filter or treat my water since Minneapolis, and usually fill it up with a hose.
Do you not have a good enough filter & treatment for the water or just don't trust it given the water quality?	You can't filter water from an oil slick.
So yeah, antiseptic. Hand sanitizer would be cheap and relatively light.	I worked in Yellowstone after college at the Snow Lodge. Fly fishing is an art I will never master. If you ever have a chance to go out there and fish the Snake River or the Yellowstone River, take it. I am glad your eye is ok now.
I have plenty of other questions as well: when it's time to sleep do you simply pull off and sleep on shore? I know there has been some torrential rain lately, how has this effected your trip? Any weather situations that have forced you to stop for the day/had you scared shitless?	When I was crossing Lake Cass it began sleeting on my and the winds were causing 3 foot waves. I fell in. I had a bag with fleece pants a fleece jacket and a pak-towel in case of this. After I got into dry clothes I paddled upriver to a lodge I saw earlier. I went into the shower and could not touch the water with my hands without intense pain. Without having been prepared I could have died that day, but luckily I didn't.
	I usually just find an island on the river and set up there.
Do you have it setup so things stay in the kayak if it tips?	Yes everything is strapped down and in waterproof bags.
What is this monkey swing you speak of?	I take one arm and grab a tree branch then swing way back so my poo does not hit my feet. I call it the Monkey Swing because I feel like a monkey swinging from branch to branch.
How was La Crosse? Did you stop there by any chance?	I did. A beautiful girl at the awesome river park recommended a pizza place and I ate four very large slices. La Crosse was a beautiful town with a great river front.
What did you do with your boat while you went to get the pizza?	The rocks up to the park are pretty steep and it was such a nice clean place I felt like it was safe there.
Awesome! It's my hometown. (I'm in Ohio right now for school.) I'm glad you enjoyed it! What pizza place was it, do you recall? Good luck on the rest of your journey, sir!	It was across from a bar called the library.
Beautiful women, recommending pizza? I must go to this place.	She had just come from a food co-op also.
Australian cricket legend and World War II fighter pilot Keith Miller put things into perspective when he was asked how he handled the pressure of international cricket. His reply: "Pressure? A Messerschmitt up your arse is pressure. Playing cricket is not." My question: Does your currrent undertaking feel like a walk in the park compared to your time in Iraq? Do you think that this challenge is made (or feels) easier in some way by the experiences you made during your service?	Apples and Oranges. We relied on each other a ton over there and it was a shared experience. I feel that my time in the service gave me the confidence to try to achieve something that might seem impossible.
Are you going through the locks when you come to them? Or are you going around on foot?	I am going through the locks. I pull a little cord right before them that signals the lockmaster and they put me through just like a barge. I sometimes have to wait upwards of an hour and a half for the barges to go through first. Before Minneapolis I would have to carry my boat around the dams, sometimes up to a mile.
How do you carry the kayak? I've found them a lot harder to portage than canoes.	I usually take 2 trips. First I carry all my gear then I use a handle on the side of my kayak to carry it.
Once you conquer the Mississippi what will be your next adventure?	I want to come back and help a paraplegic be the first to paddle the entire river. I have had this on my mind for the last month and I think it could be done. The biggest obstacle is portaging around all the dams in Minnesota.
	Someday I would like to ride a bike from Coney Island, NY to Chicago then take route 66 to LA. Then I will have done my personal triple crown. Walk up the country, float down then peddle across.
Are you worried about how violent the river becomes in Louisiana? That undercurrent is a killer, literally.	Yes I am. 5 people have died on the river within a few miles of me since I have been out here. 4 in Burlington Iowa and one near Hannibal, MO. I stay very near the shore to avoid barges and to be safe. I am very aware that it will be dangerous but will continue anyways.
Most people who die on the river do so because they leave their life vests and brains on the dock to make room for more beer.	I have never been or will be on this river without my life vest. I keep a small drybag on my vest with my phone and wallet in case I get separated from my boat.
Are you doing your ama from a mobile device on the water or are you taking a break right now?	I am taking the day off. I am at a holliday inn with a business center. I do check reddit every couple of nights from my phone but have to conserve my battery in case I need my phone for an emergency. I stay in a hotel about once every 10 days and this is the second time I took an entire day off. I woke up today and was unable to close my fingers in a fist without a ton of pain and thought it would be a good idea to rest.
Where is your kayak while you are in the hotel room? Did you take it in with you?	A marina here is letting me keep it there overnight. Sometimes I hide it among the trees on the shore when I run into town.
How much gear have you ditched so far because you overpacked?	Haven't ditched any gear but have lost or broken; solar panel, gps, laptop, gloves, knit hat, kayak paddle and a fleece.
What piece of gear do you wish you had that you don't? What piece of gear has surprised you most? What piece of gear has disappointed you most?	I wish I had a spare kayak paddle. My kayak paddle dissapointed me when it broke but the worst piece of gear I had was a Brunton Solar charger. It just straight up did not work even with 12 hours of direct sunlight.
Cat can stove?	Cat Can Stove! I don't think anything inflatable could make it down this river because of all the debris.
Do you have any plans for future excursions?	I want to do the river again but to act as a guide for a paraplegic and help him/her around the dams and such. It has become clear to me out here that life is better when you stop worrying about yourself and start helping others. If I could share this freedom with someone who might feel confined by their chair then that is a pretty good life.
	One day I want to ride a bicycle across the country to complete my triple crown. Walk up, paddle down and ride across. I want to touch the South Pole before I die.
Ehat do you mean by "walk up"? Can you elaborate?	When I hiked the Appalachian trail I walked up the country from Georgia to Maine.
When you camp on the side of the river, do you just do it wherever? did you have to organize/reserve locations, or do you just hobo-style it? any problems with authorities ever?	I usually stay on islands and pull my boat all the way off the water. No one can really see me.
What kind of wildlife do you see??	At the start there was an amazing amount of wildlife. My favorite was a small furry wolf that was drinking from the riverside. I have seen a ton of deer, ducks, geese, loons, herons and beavers. I also saw a whooping crane. I have a picture of it.
How enormous are the whirlpools? I heard the Mississippi gets massive whirlpools, if so, have you ever gotten stuck in one?	They can be upwards of 20 feet. They can be frustrating because there seems to be no good way to paddle around them without being spun around a bit. The more speed you have when skirting by them the less effect they have.
How fast does the Mississippi move? Like, you say you're paddling down it, but could you conceivably just float down it?	From Minneapolis to St. Louis the river is controlled by locks and dams. Usually the wind comes from the South and if I do not paddle it pushes me upstream. The current picks up a ton after St. Louis because there are no more dams and floating becomes an option.
Tell us about the stuff you need to figure out about Iraq. What have you been doing since you came back, and why the need for adventure right now?	The weight of being responsible for other people's deaths weighs heavy on my heart. I worked for the company that made the drone I flew for a while until they told me I would have to go to Afghanistan. I went back to school for a bit and waited tables. I knew in my heart that I was an adventurer and the only way to get back to that is to dive in.
How polluted is the Mississip?	Outside of the cities it is not too bad. I have been by probably 25 coal power plants and tons of factories. The quad cities treats the river like a dump. The water is polluted beyond belief but local groups keep the shoreline decently clean, except in Minneapolis.
As someone who is looking at the filthy bastard right now, (Muscatine, Iowa) what made you choose the Mississippi?	I grew up in Memphis and used to hang out at the river. I am just one of those people that when they see a mountain they want to climb it.
Ever read the story "Big Two-Hearted River" by Hemingway? You sound a bit like the character in that. Enjoy your journey and thanks for sharing.	No I did read The River Why, Down the River, Huck Finn, and A River Runs Through it though.
How swole are your arms?	I lifted a while before this and my arms have actually gotten smaller but more toned.
Any close calls with shady people? Any times where you feared for your safety? Thank you for your military service.	Whenever I go through a larger town or city there are people who hang out under the bridges. I avoid them.
Once you get to the mouth in Venice, Louisiana. Would you like to have a beer with me?	Sure.
How often do you listen to Black Water by the Doobie Brothers?	I heard it on the radio about two weeks ago and sang along. The stroke by Billy Squire and Drift Away are 2 good paddlin songs too. You can usually find me singing along to Brittney Spears and Ke$ha to be honest.
How easy would it be to do this? Like how much experience do you recommend having before you set out on this journey?	You need a decent amount of paddling experience for this and must know how to read a river.
Cool.... Where would you get started for all of this?	Join a local paddling club. I went through the Memphis canoe and kayak club's courses on whitewater canoeing and kayaking in the 90's growing up. Even if you don't own a boat your local club will probably help you find something to paddle. When I am on my kayak it moves like another limb of my body. When you can paddle and not think about it you are golden. I used to work for an Outdoors shop in memphis. After work every day I would go to a small public lake at shelby farms and paddle for 2-3 hours. I did it because I loved it, even though I just went around in small circles. I did not know at the time that it would lead to this. Start small and dream big. I love the feeling of being on the water. Some people love climbing rocks. If it is el Cap, Everest, a solo sail around the world or maybe a float of the Mississippi that is your calling you will know.
Have you been smacked by any Asian carp yet?	Yes they do hit my boat daily. Since lock 19 in Iowa they have been everywhere.
Very cool, I think it is very cool to see someone actively crossing things off a bucket list! Too many people just talk about doing those things but are never serious. Thank you for your service as well!	I was paddling north of Minneapolis when I saw a couple of kayaks in front of me. I paddled to catch up and there were about 40 people paddling down the river. I had not seen anyone else paddling before and I was excited. They were a river club from Minneapolis that was out for a day paddle. One of the nice older ladies offered me a place to stay but I did not take the offer and paddled another 10 miles after they got out.
Just curious, how did you get by the Coon Rapids Dam in Minnesota? I imagine you just pulled out some where and put back in down river but I'd be interested to hear how anyway.	There is a ridiculously long trail that goes up and down over 2 old rail beds, across a concrete path, down a steep hill, across a 2 foot wide bridge, up a hill with a tree fallen in the middle, then down a long path, that turns into another long path, that finally goes down a hill into a parking lot and then down another steep hill. The path was covered in ticks and there was dicarded panties and broken liquor bottles the whole way. I described it in another response as "rapey". It was not a good time.
How long do you plan on this trip taking? And did you do anything special to prepare for a journey of this magnitude?	70-80 days Nothing too special to be honest. Having gone through SERE-C in the Army helped as well as a lifetime of trips in the outdoors.
Welcome to St. Louis! Just wondering if the river's as muddy everywhere else as it is here? We even have a cake named Mississippi Mud Cake, so, yeah... lol.	I used to drink the water and see down 6 feet. Since Iowa it has been bad. Remember playing "hot lava" as a kid. It is like that but with cancer.
Why?	I once heard that the afterlife might be a separation from time and you live your life over and over again. Do yo measure life in dollars or in sunsets?
	To an alien my life has purpose. What do you have. If it is kids and love you win. If not . . .
	Because I own things that money could never buy.
Did I miss the imgur link to OP's pictures?	The link is in my comments.
I work at a kayak rental shop in Cleveland, on lake Erie. Im assuming the boat is about 17 feet because you are obviously an experience paddler. Is that right?	It is 14 feet.
Did you bring any weed?	No :(
Bummer man.	I might find a stealth grow on the banks one of these days but I wouldn't want to steal it. I will keep on looking though.
Real men paddle FROM Pensacola TO Minneapolis.	If I could find someone to fund it I would turn around and paddle back when I am done.
I'd love a brief overview of the gear you're using.	The kayak is a Jackson Cuda Sit on top. I was using an Accent kayak paddle until the blade snapped in the quad cities. I use an Accent paddle board paddle now. I sleep in either my REI 2 man tent or on my ENO hammock. I cook with a denatured alcohol stove. I always wear my life jacket which I have a dry bag attached to hold my phone and wallet. I have a rather large river knife attached to my vest also. I use a Marmot 30 degree sleeping bag with a Thermarest Z-rest for my bed. I had a solar panel and a gps but the river took those from me a month ago.
LOVE my ENO hammock! Slept in it all weekend... Good luck brotha!	The ENO hammock is my favorite piece of gear.
As would I! I can't imagine using a sit on top for expedition paddling...a sea kayak feels so much more cozy to me.	I picked the Jackson Cuda because I can stand and paddle it like a paddle board. I didn't go with a traditional kayak because I was afraid my legs would not be able to handle months inside a regular kayak.
Good luck, sir. I hope you find what it is you're looking for.	You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek. But first... first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril. Mm-hmm. You shall see thangs, wonderful to tell. You shall see a... a cow... on the roof of a cotton house, ha. And, oh, so many startlements. I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the obstacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward. Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation.
Post that shit everywhere :D Maybe our numbers will swell abit.	And the trivia team will grow.
Please tell me that's not a fishing pole. I hope you don't plan on eating any fish from that river. Polluted nasty poop fish! That's my poop you are kayaking with! (I live in STL)	I would not eat anything south of the quad cities.
You are still north of myself - but when you reach Cairo to Caruthersville (spelling) anthing along that stretch - Basically the Convergance of Ohio and Miss - to where I44 crosses the River.	Thanks. I will be passing by probably Friday. I could definitely use a new kayak paddle but I think my mom in Memphis has a spare she will lend me. Mine broke in the quad cities and I have been using a paddleboard paddle like a canoe paddle. It is a mess and I can't close my hands fully anymore but I kind of like it.
You need anything because I could probably get it to you.	You can come out and we can high five if you want.
So - regarding Paddle and whatever - looks like I can swing heading North along the river on Thursday - so we are not constrained to a Friday crossing timeline. So outside of the Paddle - any "inland" favorites you desire let me know and we will try and work this out.	I talked to my mom and I have an old paddle of mine at her place in Memphis. If you just want to come say hi that would be nice.
Because of the width and the height of the Cuda, a 240cm paddle would be best if you're going to provide a replacement. Maybe the Bending Branches infusion with the soft grips...	I was using a 240 before because of the cuda's height. When you set the chair in the low position it is actually not that tall. It is an amazing vessel.
You should launch a Kickstarter campaign to write/document your travels. Perhaps when you do the trip again with a Wounded Warrior. The Wounded Warrior project could perhaps help too.	If I could raise money I might. I am well read and well educated but I feel no need to share this. If I could help someone by being popular that would be good. I would rather just die with this than let someone sell it.
	I plan on writing a book but I do not like attention while I am doing it. I have already written over 120 pages in my journal but I feel the river is the true story, not some asshole like me going down it If I do ever publish a book about this I want it to be like cannery row, a bit of the wild slipping on the knife. Some days I just wish I was like the kid in into the wild and if I die out here it is worth writing about.
I'm pretty sure I recall you posting your "ride wanted" ad in the twinscitiessocial subreddit or something of the like. Glad to see you found your ride! I recently traveled alongside the river just in Minnesota alone and am really jealous of your trip. No questions here, just good luck!	Give some love to mn_redditor. Without him I would not be here.
When you come through Vicksburg, Mississippi, let me know!	I will send you a message when I am close.
Did you get bitten by a snake. I fear most bodies of water because of this T_T.	I have only seen two snakes in the water, both while waiting for locks. There will be more.
Oh my gosh HEY, i know you! I work at the Four Points you stayed at in MPLS and drove you around in the shuttle :) So fun to see your post on here and see the pictures of where you've been!	Hey thanks for the radio station advice. You were a cool chick.
I admire your exercise in Zen. I find mine climbing rock walls. Enjoy the solidarity, risk, and enlightenment. The process of present moments is what matters.	The best days are the ones where the hours melt like minutes.
When you get back the zombie contamination will be over.	I always wanted to be patient zero in the zombie apocalypse. Maybe the foul waters of lousiana will cause this.

Last updated: 2012-06-03 02:11 UTC
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